Living the Dream

Sometimes on the way to a dream, we get lost and find a better one.

I've always wanted to be a mother. I've dreamt of it since I was a little girl.  I never gave much thought to getting married or who I would have babies with, but i knew I would have babies one day. Three boys is what I always wanted. I was so fascinated with babies that I think it scared my Mom, and so when I was a pre teen she gave me a VERY graphic book on child birth, I think in hopes of scaring me! It worked! I will never forget that book, but I was still fascinated.

When I was 24, 7 months after getting married, I got the news I'd always dreamt of getting. I was pregnant. I was terrified, and nervous and scared, and also a little excited. I always thought the decision to have a baby would be mine (and my partners), but as I've come to learn, we don't always have that much control! The timing was less then ideal. My hubby was leaving for 3 months to go do a training program, I was planning to go back to school, we had an new puppy that I was just getting use to....this was not the right time. But as my Dad says, is there every really a right time?

We were just wrapping our heads around becoming parents when we had our 18 week ultrasound. Things were about to get even more out of my control! The ultrasound tech turned to me after a few minutes and said 'I see two heads'. Twins. My head started racing. We need to get two cribs...two car seats...two of everything! We need a bigger car. What about Bailey (the dog)? Am I going to be able to go back to work after their born? How do you hold two babies at once? We have to pick two names!! How on earth were we going to do this. I had a vague idea of how hard having one baby was, how the hell were we going to do this with two??? Who's crazy ass idea was it to give us two babies in the first place?? It took months to really come to terms with and adjust to the new plan. I just kept telling myself 'you're only given what you can handle'. I clung to that saying until the end of the twins' first year!

On April 15, 2009 my two little peanuts were born. A boy and a girl. We figured out how to hold two babies at once. Hell i even learned how to pee while feeding a baby. We got two of everything we needed. We got a bigger car, well a van actually. Bailey adjusted and we even managed to agree on TWO names! Lol. We stumbled and figured it all out just like everyone else, and now i can't imagine not having two. Maybe it's not the dream I dreamt about as a little girl, but maybe it's better.