SOLD

"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." 

It's been a crazy 4 weeks, filled with training, seminars, open houses, offers, showings, juggling kids and family...It's been busy, stressful and full of emotions. I was not expecting there to be so many emotions tied into changing jobs, which sounds silly even as I write this, but I wasn't focused on how it would affect me, I was just focused on completing the tasks that needed to get done in order to pass my exams, get hired on and quite my old job. The feelings that followed threw me for a loop. I think my stress is coming across as I'm not happy, which couldn't be further from the truth, but I am stressed. Trying to get everything done in a day that I use to do on top of what I now need to do is impossible, and I'm learning to adjust my expectations of myself.

I think I've found something I am good at, and that I do really enjoy, but there is a HUGE learning curve here for me. I have to change my way of thinking. This is business, my business, not just a job. I have to learn to think business and find how I want to conduct my business, what i want to project...finding my own style and my place in this industry. On top of which, I'm also learning how to balance my family life with my work life, which is an adjustment for all of us who live in this house!

My first client ended up being someone I worked with at the hospital. On Tuesday we wrote our first offer together and yesterday we were able to remove the conditions and officially sell the property! I'm very happy that the deal came together and I'm thrilled that my girl got the house she wanted. This deal was not smooth by any means, which I think was a combination of factors, and I certainly learned a lot and made some errors, but all in all I think I conducted myself professionally and I worked in the best interest of my client. I think part of me doesn't believe that this is actually happening. Part of me is sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop and part of me realizes that until the client is in that house and the house is viewed and indeed in the condition we saw it in, it's not over. Yes it's over in the sense that I'll get paid and I did my job, but a big part of the job is taking care of your client after the papers are signed and the keys are handed over. That's what keeps them coming back!

FUN FACT: Number one reason people don't use the same Realtor to sell as they did to buy their current home? They can't remember their name.

I'm happy I got the client the house she wanted, I'm happy with the way I conducted myself, I'm happy to have had the experience and now I'm just a little less green, but I'm also thinking ahead. How am I going to keep in contact with my client? Try to ensure that she calls me when she wants to sell? Where is my next client going to come from? Now I need to start really marketing myself and getting my name out there. I have someone who can 'tell my story' as we like to say, but what am I going to do to promote myself and find more work? As Blake would say, the real estate business is like a bubble. You're on the outside trying to find a small crack that you can use to get in. You found it, you used it, you're in. Now everyone in the bubble is trying to push you out. I'm in the bubble, now I need to stay here! Although I guess it wouldn't hurt to get out of my own head and just be happy for awhile.

Big change it is a comin'!

What a week...and it's only Tuesday! I wrote my final real estate exam last week and got my results on Monday. Passed with a 91%!! Very proud of myself, I must say! :)

I interviewed with a real estate broker on Monday and things went really well. I was nervous as all get up but the manager was great and at the end I decided to sign with them! I go next Monday with the manager to the MB Securities commission and Winnipeg Real Estate Board to get my license and from there he and I will start booking time to do my training (they have a really exciting training program that I'm super pumped to get into!) So between the training program with the company and being mentored by my friend and former realtor I'm feeling very rich in knowledgeable people!! I also met with an old friend from high school who is now a mortgage broker and we've formed an alliance to help each other out as well as met with a real estate lawyer who will promote me and vise versa.

The support I've gotten from Michael has been outstanding, and never wavering. Even when I wasn't sure, he was ALWAYS sure. I'm very blessed to have someone who believes in me so much and who has supported my decision and encouraged me to take a chance I was terrified to take.

I'm feeling really excited and overwhelmed, both by the amount of information thrown at me in the last 2 days, but also from the incredible support I've gotten from other professionals in the business....to have them believe in me so much before I've even accomplished anything is really incredible!! Most amazing thing has been hearing these people 'sell' me to others. Did you know I'm dynamic?!? Crazy! You never know how others see you, and i'm so humbled by their kind words. I have alot of respect for what they do.

I've also given my notice at the hospital. I was hoping to keep on for a while until things got rolling but the Winnipeg Real Estate Board won't license you if you hold another job. I had kind of expected it, so i'm not surprised, and I think i'm actually a bit relieved that someone is making that decision for me and I don't have to juggle that job on top of everything else. It's the end of an era....10 years I've been with the hospital. I learned SO much there, and I will miss the people and the job to a certain degree, but it was time for me to go. I loved the job as it was when I started it, but over the years it's changed so much and the duties and responsibilities have been so diminished it feels almost pointless to be there most days.  Time to be challenged again.

I hope I've made the right decisions, and I hope that I will be successful in this new adventure. And most of all I hope I've taught my kids that it's never too late to follow your heart and pursue your dreams.

Almost 3

Almost 3. By babies are almost 3. How on earth did that happen??

Three years ago, on April 12th we got a phone call from the labour and delivery nurse who asked if 'we were ready to become parents'. My husband, who had answered the phone answered 'I guess so.' With a lot of nervousness, fear and excitement we packed our bags and set off to the hospital to have babies. Three days of induction and labour, finally, at 926pm on April 15th our beautiful Mason John Michael was born, big blue eyes wide open. The nurses took him and cleaned him up and the docs checked him over and gave him to Michael. When I saw Mason for the first time I thought 'who is this baby??' He was long and skinny, with a smushed little nose and big bright blue eyes...he didn't look like me or Michael...or any members of our families, but he was beautiful. When I held him, he looked me right in the eyes and I swear to God it was like he was looking in my soul. He was just so sweet and the look in his eyes said, 'Hi Mom, Nice to finally meet you. Sorry that hurt so much. So how are you?'. He and I had an immediate instant connection.

Mason is such a sweet child. A bit of a old soul, a people pleaser, gentle and sweet, smart but in a very unassuming way. Creative and imaginative. Organized and focused. Funny and goofy. Sensitive and stubborn. I think Mason is and could be as he grows up, underestimated. That might sound bad, but he comes across as though he doesn't hear you or doesn't care, and I think the assumption is because he is so sensitive he isn't going to do certain things, or isn't capable of doing certain things. As he has proven to many, including me, he hears you, he's listening and he does care, but he'll use that knowledge when he's ready, and he will amaze you. I can't wait to watch him amaze us as he grows up!

Almost an hour later on April 15th, at 1009pm our beautiful Alexa Jade Alards was born. She was taken and cleaned up and checked, and then taken to NICU for observation (I don't really remember why, I think it was because they though she might have swallowed some muconium). Anyhow, 2 hours later she was brought in to us in recovery and she was tiny and perfect, and looked EXACTLY like I did in my newborn photos. Dark hair and dark eyes with a perfectly round face and head, you just wanted to kiss her! What an easy going and sweet baby. As long as she was full, she was happy and she would sleep. I think all she did was sleep for the first 6 weeks! Alexa always got passed off a little more since she was more easy going and Mason insisted on being with me. It took her a little longer for her to show us her personality, but once it started to come out, look out!!
What a fire cracker with the gift to gab!!  Observant, inquisitive, intelligent. Stubborn and determined. Loving and sweet, a real ham. Strong but sensitive in a less obvious way. Shy, loyal and protective. Demanding and critical. I told Michael a few weeks ago, if Alexa can learn to use all her qualities to her advantage, good and bad, she will be a force to be reckoned with. I so look forward to what she is going to do and be as she grows.

I love how unique and different Mason and Alexa are, and yet how well they compliment each other. They are truly best friends and I love how they play together. Sure there is fighting, but they look out for one another and really enjoy each others company. I only hope they will always be so close and be each other advocates.

So this week we will be celebrating these little kiddies. Frog and Hello Kitty cupcakes, cars and trains (Mason's requests for his birthday) and Hungry hungry hippos (Alexa's birthday present request) and lots of family. Looking forward to the festivities and the adventures of the next year ahead of us!!

Meet the Teacher

Today we went to meet the teachers for preschool. I registered the twins in February but today they got to go and see the school and meet the different teachers, as well as give me an opportunity to see them in action and make a request for which teacher I would prefer if I have one.

We did the walk through with the director and met the first teacher, who on Open House day I thought was my 'favorite'. Meaning we seemed to click and I liked her. Alexa didn't seem to mind her, but I think just liked the toys in her classroom better. Mason wasn't so wild about her or her classroom...and after watching her interact with kids and really look at the classroom, I wasn't sure she was my favorite anymore. I found the class room very noisy, there was loud music playing, LOTS of stimulation and the teacher didn't seem to be interacting as much with the kids as I would have thought or liked. She also seemed to be very....strict. Which I suppose isn't a bad thing, and I'm sure she has learned to be this way after dealing with 3 and 4 year olds for so many years, and I appreciate that rules need to be in place to avoid chaos and provide structure, but I also believe in leniency (anyone who knows my husband and I know we differ greatly on this point).  Case in point, Mason wanted to play with a toy that was up on top of a cupboard. She told him that those toys were not to be played with right now but if he asked he could have it. When I say 'asked' I mean he had to make a complete sentence. 'Mrs. (fill in teachers name here), can I play with that toy please?'  I pretended not to notice so he wouldn't just look at me and start crying. He gave it his best shot and got most words out, but he has a really hard time with his speech. He doesn't make complete sentences, or at least not long ones and he stutters, especially when he's under stress. Well, even after his best attempt which had most of the words but not all and he reversed two words he wasn't allowed the toy because he didn't say the sentence. This is where I think you should get points for trying. Now maybe I only think this because i'm his mother, but I honestly thought, good grief, he tried and got most of it, give him the damn toy! He got upset and came to find me and I decided our visit was done and we left.

When we went into the other classroom the teacher was sitting with her kids doing a craft, there were a few kids off playing with other toys. The class had no music playing and was fairly quiet with slightly less toys. Mason seemed very at ease in that room and the teacher came across as very calm and quiet which I knew he would respond to. What surprised me was on Open House day this teacher seemed really excited and loud and chatty which I wasn't wild about but I guess she was trying to sell the school to me, right. This teacher is also younger and has 3 young daughters of her own and was a teachers assistant before this.

One of the teachers asked me if I would consider separating the kids since they each seemed to prefer different rooms, and I said no, which the director agreed with me on. After seeing the way Mason reacted upon entering the classroom (he hid between my legs) she agreed that having his sister in the same class would be good for him and hopefully help him be comfortable and bring him out of his shell. Also since they are so different I don't think they'll get in each others way, but can be a support to each other instead. I suspect Alexa will end up standing up her brother from time to time as well (which is fitting since her name means defender of men!).  I intend to keep them in the same classroom until it doesn't made sense anymore. I think they need each other for support and unless they tell me or convince me otherwise I think it's for the best. Some schools have policies in place already as to how they deal with the twins which I'm totally opposed to. Each set of twins is different and needs different things. My cousins twin girls have always been separated, but they needed that. It should be up the discretion of the parents, in my opinion.

I decided I want the kids with the second teacher. Alexa will learn just as much, and Mason will be better off and they will remain together. Plus, I believe over stimulation causes other issues, and there is enough going on with everything they need to learn in preschool, they don't need to be over stimulated, too.

It broke my heart to watch Mason struggle. I had to cry the entire way home. I realize this is only the beginning of his life struggles and struggling helps build character and self esteem when you finally learn something that was hard for you, but my mama bear instincts just kicked in and I wanted to protect him. Since we left the school he's been stuttering a lot, and he's been so good for almost a week and a half, which tells me I've stressed him. I know this change is going to be good for all of us in the long term, but man change can be hard.

A new challenge

It's been three weeks since my declaration of health and weight loss, and I must say I've done well. I've stuck to my plan and exercised 4-5days a week, using Power 90. I've decided to keep Zumba for when I get bored and need something new. So for now it's Power 90 which I have to say I really enjoy. It's easy to follow, it doesn't take up a ton of time to do, the movements are basic but definitely work, and Tony Horton gives you great tips about how to make things easier or harder and how to keep good form so you don't hurt yourself. I also love that it shows you where you are in the work out to know how much further you have to go. That way I can pace myself and not push too hard too soon. Michael has even started doing it with me this week which I wasn't sure I would like, but I find it really motivating. He's super competitive and usually I'm not, but for once I want to be better at something then him!!

The results of my efforts have really surprised me. I feel really good. My back hasn't bothered me since the end of the first week and my knees are starting to feel better. The scale hasn't moved much, down 3lbs, but I've lost a total of 6.5 inchs overall. I'm really amazed how fast my body is responding.

This week we're getting a little more crazy.  I've done a TON of reading on health and proper nutrition and in my travels stumbled across a site called Beyond Diet. It has really peaked my curiosity since it's not about 'dieting', it's about improving your diet. The focus is on nutrient dense food that work with your body to keep you healthy and help your body burn fat. It had a ton of information on foods that we think are good for us that are really doing more harm then good. For example butter (which we all assume is bad for us). Butter comes from cream. That is it's only ingredient. Yes it is high in fat, but it has good fat that actually helps our bodies burn fat. Eating fat does not make us fat, it's eating processed, over refined, surgary things that are making us fat. There was a ton of facts on butter that I can't remember, but she made some good points. Anyways, it's something I want to learn more about and something I really want to try. So we're going to take the two week challenge the site recommends to get your metabolism going. Michael has agreed to it with me (which I think he's now regretting!!)

We'll be following three rules:
1. Nothing to drink but water. One cup of coffee or tea, black is allowed. Michael doesn't drink just water so he's going to drink crystal light.
2. Nothing white. ie: no white bread, pasta, sugar, white rice and most milk products (eggs and cheese are allowed)
3. No wheat or anything with wheat in the ingredients list. (This one could be hard, but we'll see.)

The information on wheat that I've read is that a lot of people are intolerant to it but most people don't show any symptoms, and if you are intolerant your body converts it directly into fat. Lovely. So for this last rule i've had to do some planning since we are big whole wheat bread eaters. I'm making my own bread with spelt flour, I've bought spelt and brown rice pasta and brown rice instead of white rice.

It's going to be a challenging two weeks, but I'm ready to make some bigger changes, and see some bigger results. Very curious to see how these changes affect my weight, my mental clarity, my energy level, my skin etc etc. I'll keep you posted!! Wish us luck!

A letter to myself

As our friends are starting to have kids and struggle with adjusting to their new roles it's made me think about what I would tell myself if I could go back and give myself some advice. Here is what I would say.

Dear Self,

You're about to go on the biggest journey of your life, and you need to know a few things before the time comes.
This is going to be hard. Harder then you can even imagined hard. You will get no more then 4 interrupted hours of sleep at a time for the next 9 months and the intense sleep deprivation will make you feel like you're loosing control. Oh, speaking of which, you will have no control. The babies will dictate when you eat, when you sleep, when you go to the bathroom, when you shower, when you have a moment to spend with your husband, they will have all the control.
You will attempt the 'sleep when they sleep' thing and realize that it just doesn't work cause when the twins are sleeping you will sit in the chair beside their play pen and waiting for the next 'crisis', running through endless scenarios of how you will handle it and will you be able to do what needs to be done by yourself.
Accept help, and ask for it when you need it, but also know there is such a thing as too much help. You need to learn to do things on your own to gain confidence. Thank people for their offer to help but then explain you need to do it yourself. You will come to really enjoy the nights because it's the only time you'll be alone.
You will feel sorry for yourself and cry. A lot. You will wonder 'why me' in regards to why you had twins and realize you haven't really dealt with the news. It will take some time but you will adjust and eventually learn to love it. You will question if you were ready for this and you will doubt your abilities and wonder if you're doing enough.
You will question every decision you make and wonder if there even is a right answer to most of these questions. Use your common sense and follow your gut. They will never lead you astray. You will also feel judged by everyone, including the little old lady at Shoppers Drug Mart who will ask you a hundred questions and then frown and scowl when you say something she doesn't approve of. You will also get questioned to the death about breast feeding, since apparently your breasts are now a topic for public conversation, and get judged and criticized for choosing to bottle feed. You will also feel chocked to death by all the literature that is being sent to you about why breast is best and get really pissed off when you realize that all over the can of formula you buy it too is pretty much telling you you're making the wrong choice.  You will also want to punch your public health nurse who keeps harping at you about it and eventually tell her not to come back and not to call anymore. You don't need her 'support' and perhaps she should work on her acceptance of others decisions and support them in their decisions instead of forcing her way on them....what you'll really want to say is 'Fuck you, get out of my house!' You do not owe anyone any explanations for your choice, you made the right decision for you.
You are going to feel as though you're loosing your identity and will long for and crave to do something other then feed, change, burp and rock babies. When your friend comes over and offers to watch the kids you will never have been so happy to do laundry and dishes because it doesn't involve babies!
You are not going to feel that TV/Movie, all consuming, cry your eyes out and make great decelerations of love about your babies when they are born. Bonding will be difficult for you and you will wonder if it's every going to happen. It will take several months to get from 'I like you. You're really cute' to 'I would give up anything (and I have!!) because I love you so much and will do anything for you'.
Your marriage will not come out unscathed either. Your focus has gone from each other to the babies, and it's suppose to, but make time for one another. Don't blame or criticize each other, it will only cause resentment. You're both learning and doing the best you can. Support each other and keep talking, cause soon enough you'll find your rhythm and get use to your new roles and wonder what did you do before kids?
Lastly, don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing the best you can and you are doing a good job. You're strong and capable and you need to see that in yourself and trust yourself. Lean on your husband, he's in this with you. Try to enjoy the little moments along with the big ones cause you may only get to do this once.

Sincerely,
Future Self

It's a New Day

Today was a good day. I rocked my exam, when I came home, my laundry was done, the floors were washed the dog was walked and the kids were happy and playing. God I love Mom's. Well Dad's too...he kept the kids occupied and took the dog for a walk. Seriously, what on earth would we do without parents? It's better then Christmas when they do that for me. Now all I have to worry about is dinner and bedtime. Awesome!

I did my first Zumba class last night. I've been feeling like a real bag of ass lately. Everything hurts. My knees, my back, my shoulders, my sciatica keeps acting up. I've been seeing my Chiropractor twice a week for a few weeks now cause I just can't get things under control. It's pathetic really that my body feels like it's falling apart and I'm only 28! So enough is enough. I decided it's time to get serious about being healthy and getting some of this weight off me. Time to give my poor spine a break. I've made a plan (cause if we fail to plan we plan to fail!) with a little help from my cousin who has managed to take the weight off and keep it off, that it's about small changes and building on them. So for the next 3 weeks it's all about exercise. Zumba on Monday nights and then I have an at home exercise program called Power 90 that I downloaded. I'm modifying it to fit my needs, but I think it should be do-able. The owner of the studio where I'm doing Zumba recommended a certain Yoga class to help me with my 'condition' (ie: fat, out of shape with low back, pelvis and hip problems!!), so I'd like to give that a try at some point. After the 3 weeks then I'll look at changing something else for a specific period of time. My cousin made the very good point of it's just too hard to wake up one day and say 'That's it. I'm done with all my bad habits. I'm going to do everything right from here on out'.

Today is a new day. I feel good things are coming and I'm just going to role with it. Oh, and don't judge me if I fall off the wagon here and there...this declaration in blog form is a lot of pressure! I'll keep you all posted.

Guilt

Someone once told me guilt is a useless emotion. I'm not sure that's entirely true, but either way it doesn't change the fact that mothering seems to involve a lot of guilt. Guilt about not being there for dinner or bedtime. Guilt about going back to work, or not going back to work, sending them to daycare, not sending them to daycare, breast feeding, not breast feeding, how much time you spend with each one, who has the bigger/better room, who has more clothes, who gets to go out alone with you more often, the list goes on and on.

Case in point, I was at the mall this week buying bath suits for the kids. Alexa also happened to need new pants and some new shirts cause this kid seems to grow WAY faster then her brother. I was walking through the mall with one thing for Mason and 6 things for Alexa and feeling sick that I didn't have the same amount for each kid. I then spent the next 10 mins trying to rationalize to myself  that this is okay, because he really didn't need anything else, and why spend money on clothes he doesn't need. He really doesn't care at this point about clothes. If i'd come home with 6 toys for his sister and 1 for him that would have been a different story. And there will be a point where he is going to need and therefore get more clothes then his sister so this will all even out, right? Well that's what I tell myself to avoid going crazy over this kind of stuff.

I have always made an effort to treat Mason and Alexa as individuals. Having said that I don't get upset when people refer to them as 'the twins' because they are in fact 'the twins'. And since they are SO different the only thing that really makes them 'the twins' is that they were born on the same day. And I do think there is something really special about being able to be called 'the twins'. Nonetheless, they are very individual little people who require very different things from me and the people in their lives. Alexa is a physically demanding child. That is just a fact. She does not do independent, or at least not without being forced to. She wants to be with you and do whatever you're doing, always. She will demand to be apart of what you're doing or demand that you come to her level and play or cuddle or read stories, or whatever. She is always touching you and always wanting to be touched. She occupies an incredible amount of my time. Mason on the other hand has an incredible imagination. He can play by himself endlessly, and seems to prefer it that way. He will be alone is his room with nothing but his Ghosty and you'll hear him laughing his little face off as though his best friend just told him the best joke he'd ever heard. That being said, he is also highly emotional and sensitive (sorry buddy, you get that from me!!). So i spend a lot of time with him talking about things, what the day will bring. Preparing him for changes, explaining things, calming him down, hugging him. This is the kid who will wake up in the night just to ask you for a hug. Giving him the emotional love and support he needs takes up the bulk of my patience for the day. Some have argued with me that I'm not doing him any favours by doing so much' prepping' of changes and what not cause 'that's not how the world works'. True, it's not how the world works. But he's also only 2.5. As he gets older the life lesson that you need to be able to roll with things to a certain degree will kick in, I hope, and if not then he's in for a hell of a hard life. But I think most people, even those who don't like change learn to adapt and accept that change happens and you have to keep moving or get left behind...but this is a whole other topic!

Even though I try to treat each child as an individual and meet their specific needs I still wondering if I'm giving them the same attention, love, help, instruction, praise, patience, material things? Am I giving them enough one on one time? Apparently this never goes away. My youngest brother is 31, I'm 28 and my Mom still says to us on Christmas 'I spent the same amount of money, just one of you got a big thing and the other several small things.' Neither of us has ever felt like we've been treated unfairly which leads me to think that this motherly guilt is entirely self inflicted. I do wonder if fathers feel the same parental guilt as mothers?

I wish I could say that my shopping trip is the last time I will feel guilty about not being equal with something in regards to the kids, but I know it won't be. Maybe guilt is there to keep us honest and try to keep us fair. All I can do is promise Mason and Lexi that any semblance of unfairness is not intentional. I love you both for the unique little creatures you are and like all mothers, I'm doing the very best I can.

Living the Dream

Sometimes on the way to a dream, we get lost and find a better one.

I've always wanted to be a mother. I've dreamt of it since I was a little girl.  I never gave much thought to getting married or who I would have babies with, but i knew I would have babies one day. Three boys is what I always wanted. I was so fascinated with babies that I think it scared my Mom, and so when I was a pre teen she gave me a VERY graphic book on child birth, I think in hopes of scaring me! It worked! I will never forget that book, but I was still fascinated.

When I was 24, 7 months after getting married, I got the news I'd always dreamt of getting. I was pregnant. I was terrified, and nervous and scared, and also a little excited. I always thought the decision to have a baby would be mine (and my partners), but as I've come to learn, we don't always have that much control! The timing was less then ideal. My hubby was leaving for 3 months to go do a training program, I was planning to go back to school, we had an new puppy that I was just getting use to....this was not the right time. But as my Dad says, is there every really a right time?

We were just wrapping our heads around becoming parents when we had our 18 week ultrasound. Things were about to get even more out of my control! The ultrasound tech turned to me after a few minutes and said 'I see two heads'. Twins. My head started racing. We need to get two cribs...two car seats...two of everything! We need a bigger car. What about Bailey (the dog)? Am I going to be able to go back to work after their born? How do you hold two babies at once? We have to pick two names!! How on earth were we going to do this. I had a vague idea of how hard having one baby was, how the hell were we going to do this with two??? Who's crazy ass idea was it to give us two babies in the first place?? It took months to really come to terms with and adjust to the new plan. I just kept telling myself 'you're only given what you can handle'. I clung to that saying until the end of the twins' first year!

On April 15, 2009 my two little peanuts were born. A boy and a girl. We figured out how to hold two babies at once. Hell i even learned how to pee while feeding a baby. We got two of everything we needed. We got a bigger car, well a van actually. Bailey adjusted and we even managed to agree on TWO names! Lol. We stumbled and figured it all out just like everyone else, and now i can't imagine not having two. Maybe it's not the dream I dreamt about as a little girl, but maybe it's better.